Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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