..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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