Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
