Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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