I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
