Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
