I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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