considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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