So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
