singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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