Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
