I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
