I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
