And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
