..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
