You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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