How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
