Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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