In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
