in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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