i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
