is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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