There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
