i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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