How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
