Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
