Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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