My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
