Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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