Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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