i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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