my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's never too late to be topless.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
