the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
