I got chris browned last night
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
