was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
