What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
