Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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