my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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