Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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