have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
