she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
