I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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