I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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