I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
