yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
