Need sex. Gaining weight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
