I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
