I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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