so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
