conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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