oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
