and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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