there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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